A recent conversation with a very dear friend of mine prompted me to write this piece.While discussing numerous topics, she suddenly mentioned how she has now gotten used to the term ‘widow’ and how all the records now identify her as this. It was a moment when my heart felt a pang of sadness and also had me thinking. In what way was she responsible to get that title now? Was it her fault that her beloved husband chose death over life and moved on to another unseen hemisphere? Or is the society we live in that deems it right to put titles and definitions on us?
The list is endless in this regard; with time, not only have I grown tired of personally being referred to differently but also sick of how people are being referred to. If it’s relationships, then it’s either single, married, divorced, or widowed. If it’s sexuality then—straight, homosexual, bi, and whatnot. Worse when it’s jobs with all the fancy titles.
I believe our true identity is much more than that. Even our names are given to us by our family. One can argue, yes, as children, how can we name ourselves, but how many of us have a choice to alter it later in life? So many things in our lives are not by our own will; it’s simply what’s passed on or what’s acquired from our family.
Coming back to the point that brought me here in the first place, the term ‘Widow’ has society or the government for a moment wondered if the woman would like to be known as one. I’m afraid not. Why should a woman be put under an umbrella of discomfort and pain? Isn’t the pain of losing her loved one not big enough? Every culture has a different meaning and perspective to things true, but they miss on the profound impact of feelings. They instill fear, pain, disappointments, anger, and frustration.
Our true identity lies not in our name, religion, relationship, or work status. We are our thoughts, actions, words, feelings, characteristics, emotions, and so much more. We are a soul with infinite possibilities and opportunities to create a world where we can live freely.
We are definitely light years behind to come to a phase of inclusion and acceptance, where we are all one, and the only difference that should exist must be between ‘humans and animals’. For now, I can only hope educated minds learn to appreciate people for what they are and accept them as they are. We don’t need ‘titles’; we need love and respect.
Live and let live.
I completely agree that labels can unfairly categorize and stigmatize individuals and groups. Additionally, I feel that one day in the far distant future labels will be unnessary. However, in both human and animal populations every individual, either inherited or earned, fills a role in the group dynamic. In animals the role is instinctual. In humans it is both instinct and intellect when one needs to find order of their environment. Part of that order is knowing your own place in the family heirarchy, group, community, business, etal, Labels probably developed in tandem with language.
ReplyDeleteOne further thought... all living things have an innate sense of survival. A large part is being aware of danger. For example, in animals and early humans there was a survival need to know if the rustling in the tall grass was a predator or just the wind. As humans evolved and created spoken language they likely applied labels to (categorized) what was friend or foe, safe (good) or dangerous (bad). In the cases of the unknown the likely default was danger (bad) until proven otherwise. Over hundreds of thousands of years the same process likely was applied to more commonplace happenings and people. Humans need order and labels help provide some sense of it.
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